My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
