I am spending my child support on dildos
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
