Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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