at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
