we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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