An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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