I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
