then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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