I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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