I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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