The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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