dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
