Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
