i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
