Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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