Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
