my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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