he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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