he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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