last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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