Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You don't have asthma, your pregnant

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  (250): You don't have asthma, your pregnant http://tfl.nu/jkmk
  Replies (5) Good night (783) Bad night (1446)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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  (757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/ml9k
  Replies (20) Good night (9781) Bad night (885)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart

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  (512): a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart http://tfl.nu/j66q
  Replies (30) Good night (660) Bad night (2808)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4555) Bad night (742)
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  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

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  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1520) Bad night (6394)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.

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  (513): Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team. http://tfl.nu/vssn
  Replies (7) Good night (3295) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.

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  (740): I am planning my day around naps and lesbians. http://tfl.nu/iw15
  Replies (6) Good night (3285) Bad night (803)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty

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  (253): She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty http://tfl.nu/bhaz
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (2835)
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  (310): View more from California

  we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

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  (310): we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic. http://tfl.nu/v0qg
  Replies (9) Good night (1293) Bad night (3058)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.

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  (203): nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles. http://tfl.nu/y6oh
  Replies (14) Good night (2774) Bad night (989)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n

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  (870): He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n http://tfl.nu/cubl
  Replies (4) Good night (1780) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.

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  (310): I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/eqf3
  Replies (10) Good night (1710) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date

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  (850): I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date http://tfl.nu/9qn8
  Replies (3) Good night (324) Bad night (1058)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang

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  (623): Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang http://tfl.nu/tn14
  Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....

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  (860): A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home.... http://tfl.nu/sz76
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (343)

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