Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one

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(412): u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one http://tfl.nu/rgs7

Replies (22) Good night (3885) Bad night (1012)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter

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(414): fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter http://tfl.nu/kvk4

Replies (15) Good night (1189) Bad night (4611)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

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(202): All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well. http://tfl.nu/6mn8

Replies (6) Good night (4275) Bad night (911)
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(314): View more from Missouri

There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

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(314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj

Replies (17) Good night (7179) Bad night (1132)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

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(862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv

Replies (8) Good night (3891) Bad night (1609)
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(509): View more from Washington

You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.

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(509): You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you. http://tfl.nu/aqxp

Replies (3) Good night (2477) Bad night (915)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.

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(250): She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood. http://tfl.nu/8qzi

Replies (9) Good night (734) Bad night (2439)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight

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(847): Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight http://tfl.nu/9jn8

Replies (2) Good night (2023) Bad night (696)
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(936): View more from Texas

He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.

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(936): He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again. http://tfl.nu/4f76

Replies (27) Good night (754) Bad night (2453)
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(904): View more from Florida

The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo

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(904): The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo http://tfl.nu/8wcq

Replies (8) Good night (953) Bad night (695)
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(253): View more from Washington

For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.

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(253): For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo. http://tfl.nu/ryca

Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (446)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.

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(610): why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from? (484): question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA. http://tfl.nu/jqh5

Replies (2) Good night (1420) Bad night (566)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.

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(570): Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore. http://tfl.nu/jsbv

Replies (2) Good night (850) Bad night (479)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

I was just power-washing my vagina.

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(541): Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay? (1-541): I was just power-washing my vagina. http://tfl.nu/mkkk

Replies (8) Good night (1450) Bad night (384)
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(914): View more from New York

You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes

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(914): You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes http://tfl.nu/luvd

Replies (0) Good night (51) Bad night (14)

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