Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great