I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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