in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy