I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.