The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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