I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
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I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
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I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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