im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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