I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
