I'm going to jail i love you
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
