If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry about my life...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
