Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
