I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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