I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
