I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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