shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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