pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
