And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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