You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
