I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
