if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
