Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
