My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
