You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
