I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
