These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
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We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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