You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
