That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
