The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
