Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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