So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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