Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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