She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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