His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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