Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
