3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
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i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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