i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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