Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You took a bar mat shot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
