There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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