Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
