i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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