She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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